Christians cling to their joy, radiate hope and sustain winsome spirit…even through heartache..even through tears…even at death’s door.
I think I have set myself up again for new bouts of pain. I know that through prayers, You have revealed to me that this is not what I need at the moment. My brain, however works in a different beat from my heart. I think You were a witness on how I struggled to keep things at bay. You were there when my heart screamed its loudest as I called Your name in fear. You knew how I argued within me and debated within myself on whether or not I should even open my heart to the possibility. I know that you heard every gleeful scream and every breaking of my heart and yet You allowed this to happen. I cannot fully understand why in spite of all the obvious reasons why this seems like a bad idea, You still allowed this to happen. Sometimes, I wonder why You could not have saved me outright from the pain that I am about to endure. I have been resisting Your will and everyday becomes even more difficult as I continue to fight Your will. Maybe someday, I will understand why this has to happen and why my heart has to win just this once. Maybe when all the lessons are revealed to me, I will be able to find that tiny morsel of joy amidst all the pain that I am going through right now.
Lord, I ask for Your help that I may be enlightened and that the lesson behind this pruning may be revealed in time. I will trust in Your judgment, Lord. I trust that there is an important lesson to be learned during this time. I only pray that my tears may not stop my eyes from seeing Your goodness in all these. Even Your Son, Jesus had to undergo pain to get to You. I willingly carry this load, I willingly take this test that You have given me with the prayer and hope that after this ordeal, I may become a better Christian, a better person to serve and glorify You. Amen.
PS – Dear Lord, I pray for a clear mind and a pure heart that I may do Your will that my actions will only bring me closer to You. You are my life’s sole goal. You are my life and I live for You. Amen.