I guess there really is no complete or total healing. All wounds leave a scars somehow. Some scars may be visible on the surface, but there are scars that run deep into the bones, that even if the skin has already healed, there is still a hairline fracture on the bone. That’s what I felt today. I have never been one to forgive a transgressor in a snap, nor am I one who can magically heal in just a span of months. I have learned that I sort of harbor a hint of resentment towards a transgressor and I always have a difficult time freeing myself of such burden. Yes, the burden is mine to bear and a more logical person would simply unload the excess baggage and be able to live a tremendously happy life. Unfortunately, that is not how my heart, my mind and my memory is made. I function and tick to a different beat and I am working on that aspect of my life really hard. This is one of those days when the heaviness of such baggage is tested. After months of being “germ-free” so to speak, I am having another chance encounter with a ghost from the past. Though I have to admit that I am dealing with this a lot better that how I’ve dealt with it before, there are still blurry remnants of resentment that hung in the air even after the creature has already gone. I guess that is how people affect other people; they leave imprints no matter how fleeting they have passed a life. People leave imprints.
On another note, I am finally reunited with my car today. After two months of hiatus, Kitten and I are back in each others’ arms. And this is a picture of us riding towards the beautiful sunset, albeit a but obscured by electrical wires and various infrastructures, cruising along the Tandang Sora flyover, fresh from the car shop.
By some stroke of luck, Rechelle, Roxanne and Ralph were going to the luthier’s and the car shop was incidentally on the way, so I was able to hitch a ride enroute to kitten then joined them a little later for an early dinner. Roxanne led us to a new place called Black Soup Kitchen where we sampled newfangled dishes like the Spicy Balut and Black Soup Pasta. The food was really good and I am sure it would taste a whole lot better if I did not have colds.
After the early dinner, I had to rush off to a rehearsal in Ateneo. Our concert is only 3 days away and we are only starting to rehearse today and we have 22 songs to practice together with new and additional instrumentalists. I can feel the panic starting to rise in my throat but I have got keep myself together for the good of the whole group. I know too well how squirrelly I can get when I start to panic. The rehearsal was long and tedious but it was quite productive. Since almost everyone was there, we were able to picture what other areas need work such as the need for written parts for the winds section and a supporting contrabass to the cello and a few other minor dilemmas concerning the rhythm section and the songs we will be performing together with ACS.
By the time were through, my head was already throbbing with too much information that I had to remember for the rehearsal the following day. Since we are pressed for time, we are in no condition to relax or dilly-dally. We however managed to swing by Starbucks Katipunan to put up a poster and bumped into Rechelle, Ralph, Roxanne and Albert. We hung out for a bit before finally heading home. I swear, I really miss simply hanging out, staring at nothing, reading a book while sipping coffee or tea or just having the spare time to write. As soon as this is over, I solemnly swear to make more time for writing. Amen.